Something that I realized that I need to really work on is my tendency to eat my feelings. Proud, stressed, happy or sad, the tendency to celebrate/medicate with food is just not going to cut it.
Yesterday I made the tough decision to start the road to weaning my son. While the decision is partially being made for my by my body, the majority of it rests with my head. I'm sad and feeling like a failure, and maybe three months ago that would have justified some ice cream. Not anymore! I don't have that crutch to hold me up - now I have to let myself feel the sadness and work on reminding myself of what a success I am. It's hard! It was a lot easier when I could shut myself up with something to eat!
Speaking of feeling like a failure, another thing I am worrying about these days are the expectations that surround someone who has had weight loss surgery. Even I feel like I will be expecting a good weight loss each week, and that just isn't going to happen no matter how perfectly I follow the program. But the little voice inside my head wants to know why this time will be different - why I think I'll succeed this time, etc etc. It seems so improbable and impossible, and yet I am throwing myself into the fray once again.
Again, I will have to work on not turning to food to answer these questions or provide yet more evidence of my goodness or badness. It just is. It will take time and I will get there, I just need to have confidence and remember a loss is a loss is a loss. I hope in time I re-read these words and think "why was I ever afraid of failure?"
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